Dear Germany..

.. I confess to finding myself bewildered by your poor show last night. Where was your fluidity? Where was your stupendous attacking power? Mueller is clearly the pin that holds the whole team together - without his presence, you just fell apart. It was painful to watch you get your arse handed to you by a not-so-good Spain. They weren't that good either, but in the battle of who was worse, you won.

I know that you're more used to playing fast, attacking football, and Spain's slow and easy strategy was frustrating, at best. And stuck back into your half of the field for ages at a go was shite. 

Klose, my darling, you didn't shine at all. WTF man. You're sleeping on the couch tonight. 

Bah. 

 Bottom line is, 

you sucked last night.

Was it the octopus? 

If so, vengeance shall be miiiiineeeeeeeeeee *eats octopi in preparation for my German octopus meal*

Anyway, since the milk has already been gone and spilt, all there's left to say is

I still love you, so do your best and make us all proud! Third place is nothing to scoff at - look where all the other big guns are: AT HOME. You've done damn well throughout the whole competition, so do damn well in the battle for third!

Ich liebe dich! <3

Footy Footy Football

I wanted to talk about how Brazil got thrashed by a most unlikely (apparently) opponent - Netherlands, not too unlikely if you think about it since they haven't lost a match since the qualifying rounds.Add that to the ill-fated Melo whose own goal

Brazil: 'WTFFFFFF?!!"

followed soon thereafter with him releasing his frustration on Robben's leg (who faked agony almost as well as some girls fake orgasms, but hey, whatever works, right?)

"OHHH.. OOHHHHHH!!!"

and getting himself a red card.

   There walketh Brazil's crushed dreams of hoisting that rather hideous embodiment of World Cup victory. 

 Cantik meh?

AANYWAY. The Brazil-Netherlands game is still being reviewed in the papers, since there was a HUGE backlash by the volatile Brazilian fans. Melo, your life may be in danger.

As I was saying, I WANTED to talk about the game in detail, but my attention has been caught by this:

Germany Routs Argentina, Sends Diego Maradona Home

I watched the game last night (phwoar, where is the footy-hating girl now, eh? In hibernation, she will be back once World Cup is over!), and I think the rest of the world was as stupefied as I was. Don't get me wrong, I AM A GERMANY FAN! But still, watching Argentina get smashed into the ground was.. on one hand satisfying, and on the other (since I do like Argentina as well) very disturbing. Where was the Argentinian spirit? Why are all the South American teams getting thrashed by European ones? Maradona's face of ultimate defeat 

The Hand of God

wrung my heart, even as it went 'WOOHOO!' at the sight of

"Ja! Vier Tore!"

all my happy Deutscher boys.

Towards the end of the match, Argentina really looked as though they were giving up under the unstoppable force that was the German team. Now, how about Germany at the finals eh? Please don't do a 2002 and flop at the finish line, Germany.

Deutschland ist Beste in aller Welt!

(I'm not sure if I'm grammatically correct, but the sentiment is absolutely sincere)

<3

Jabulani, Eh? I See Nothing to Rejoice Over.

The Jabulani means 'Rejoice' in Zulu

But after a 1-0 defeat for my beloved Germany at the hands of SERBIA (GAHHHHHHHH!) and a 0-0 draw for England and Algeria (yeah, I know right?? omg wtffff England?!), I think Jabulani might be more accurate if it were to mean 'UNDERDOGS REJOICE'. 

But do we blame the Jabulani? After all, according to LB, Germany has used the ball before, so it doesn't have the excuse of being all 'oh, the ball is new! It's difficult for the goalkeeper to determine where the ball is going to fly!" So, this means that it could be the ball, and it could be the crappiness of the team, although I am loath to admit the latter. See, Coach, this is what happens when you make the German team eat pasta in the morning! It disagrees with them. You should've let them eat their ham. Apa la you.

Bah. Football remains a mystery to me. All I know is this - I'm no longer sure who will win this thing.

The men are still ser-mokin', though!

 "I see my future, and it belongs with May Lee."

 

The man of the hour - Gonzalo Higuain. Hat-trick wonder AND pleasing to the eye. Can a girl ask for more?

Nope. =)

Robert Green's Fatal Eff-Up

In Lego!

This video is awesome =)

Bye-bye, Green. It's going to be super tough for you to ever get over that goal!

Football Fever?

Not quite. The word 'football' makes my eyes glaze over.

To be perfectly frank (and bimbotic-sounding), I only ever watch football to watch Cristiano Ronaldo run up and down the field and hope that he takes off his jersey to reveal his almost-ridiculously perfect body.

 GOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!!! (I'm not talking about the football type)

Oh, and let's not forget the delectable Beckham (as long as he keeps quiet, there is no Mickey Mouse voice to ruin the macho man effect!).

Mmmm. Hel-LO, there.

And in true bimbo version, I am very much interested in the WAGs (wives and girlfriends, for the truly uninitiated). 

WAGs are characterised by perfect hair, perfect tans, perfect bodies, and perfect gold-digging abilities.

Case in point, Abbey Clancey. Hot, no? Perfect hair, bod, and gorgeous to boot! Paired with.......

Crouch, of 'goal celebration-windmill impersonation' fame. Do you think he could've scored that stupendously fine hottie if he were just 'that lad in the corner pub'? Heck, NO. Even he knows that, admitting that he would've stayed a virgin forever if not for his football fame.

At least the man isn't deluded.

For your viewing pleasure - some other WAGs:

Alex Gerrard

 Danielle Lloyd

Aaaaaaandddd one of the most recognisable WAGs in football history:

My ultimate favourite Spice Girl! See I have awesome taste. She is the only one who is still super famous after all these years!

I LOVE FOOTBALL!! (But not the actual game)

Is It True That the World Cup = Crappy Sex Lives?

According to Sin Chew Daily, only if your boyfriend/husband (or if you're a man then YOU) support a country that loses.

I read this article in The Star which quotes Sin Chew Daily who in turn quotes some Singaporean newspaper (yeah, the news traveled through quite a few papers!), that says that

World Cup fever can work up sex appetite

 It goes on to say that when a game is like super intense, a man would produce more adrenaline and testosterone, and if the team he supports wins, then he is more likely to want to have sex. Especially is he's had a few beers!

On the other hand, if his team loses, then he's less likely to want to have sex (of course lar.. depressed ma!).

So... my conclusion is this:

Ladies, during World Cup month,

Seriously, don't.

Why? Well, simply because 

1. if his team loses, even if you dressed up like the above picture, all he'll be able to think of is 

"DIE, NOW I OWE AH CHONG/MUTHU/BENNY RM XXXXXXXX.XX!!!"

2. if his team WINS, however... 

Even if you looked like this

SO WHAT IF YOUR TEAM WON? TONIGHT I HAVE A HEADACHE.

he'd probably STILL want to do it. Especially if he's got his beer goggles on.

Conclusion:

No point breaking out the sexay lingerie. Wear your comfy granny panties, keep the sexy thong in the drawer til after World Cup is over!