Obesity isn't the only alternative to anorexia

Ok I know it's been ages since my last post, but I really didn't have much to say and even though having a blog is really a large indicator of narcissism, I didn't really feel like blathering on about myself any longer. Today, I do have something to say. I was reading this article about the latest anorexic model-bashing ad, and the writer - in-your-face though he was - made an excellent point: We're endorsing obesity, cue scary music and background live-audience gasps.

Manuel Pfister, the writer of the article I linked above, calls it 'enabling' and I think he's right. Ads like this might be doing more harm than good; the model is gorgeous, but she's not really very healthily-sized! Hello, she's 2 large pizzas away from being really fat! Why couldn't they get someone who's large, yes, but fit? Or a normal-sized woman? That ad, while condemning excessive skinniness, is actually condoning fatness. And in an era where obesity levels are skyrocketing, THIS. IS. ENABLING. We are telling all those people with triple chins and dimpled knees that 'Hey! It's great to be fat! It's beautiful! Eat more fast food and chuck that gross-looking salad!' Sure, some models are scarily thin to the point of being unhealthy, and anorexia is a very real disease that can eventually kill. I completely agree, we shouldn't be advocating photoshopped, fake standards of beauty and idealising disproportionate bodies (super skinny women with DD boobs? Hello back problems, wtf). But saying 'no' to an overly-glossed woman who looks 30 pounds lighter in her picture than she does in real life is NOT the same as saying 'yes' to obesity and clogged arteries! Are we being cruel by being kind? Is it not better to tell your friend

"Ok, you might be a little overweight, but it's not the end of the world! Dump the burgers and go for a jog"

rather than

"You're not fat, those skinny bitches look like starved, rabid dogs"? Of course, this only applies if you like your friend and want her to have a longer lifespan. If you hate your obese friend's guts, then by all means buy her another Quarter Pounder, extra cheese.

 This is unhealthy...

But the more socially-accepted end of the spectrum is just as bad! Say no to both!

 That being said, there are people who find it a struggle to lose weight and keep it off, even while eating healthy and exercising, AND they feel unattractive because they're larger in comparison to the average XXS covergirl (aren't we all, lol). Personally, I think this can be fixed by there being more pictures of healthy role-models, minus the slimming effects of that miracle weight-loss product Photoshop, after all, if you're already eating healthy and regularly exercising how fat CAN you be? Not really fat at all, IMO.

Normal-weight woman. I see cellulite!

 About the fake representations of beauty in the media: I don't really get why it's so hard to tread middle ground in the mass media's arena: Why is it either skinny or fat? Fuck the extremes, how about pictures of normal humans? How about a nice picture of Kim K without excessive Ps-ing? Issues aside, her body is pretty damn hot even if her boobs look fake (hey, at least they're proportionate). She's fit, sits squarely in the middle of the weight spectrum, and has an ass to die for. Let's be shallow and advocate her solely for her body. All in favour say aye!

AYE!

"Death is very likely the single best invention of Life" - Steve Jobs, 1955-2011

Woke up this morning to news of Steve Jobs' death. Everybody is alternately saying 'OH EMM GEE STEVE WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU' or going 'SHUT UP ABOUT STEVE, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU PEOPLE EVEN CARED MUCH ABOUT HIM WHEN HE WAS ALIVE', but I'd still like to chuck in my 2 sen worth and say that, while I may not have really bothered with him while he was alive, I still think that we've lost someone truly visionary. I mean, when everybody else thought that the computer was something purely utilitarian and corporate, Steve Jobs made it elegant and personal. He found that middle road between function and aesthetics and made magic; he took technology and made it art. If I were to describe the design of his products, the word shibumi comes to mind - the Japanese word for the concept of simple, unobtrusive beauty (rediscovered an old classic by the same name but that's a tale for another day). His presentation of said technology, however, was always pure American showmanship (who can forget his manila-envelope-Macbook Air-stunt?).

Steve the philosopher made people seriously reassess their lives, especially when he gave that famous commencement address at Stanford's 2005 graduation ceremony. Telling them (and us!) "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." made a lot of people sit up and look inward. I bet it made you, too. How many times do we do what we're expected to? That job you took because everybody said it's good, the girlfriend you married because your mother approved of her, the children you produced because corporate culture in your workplace dictated that having children equals better chances at a promotion... the list goes on. We could all sit down and discuss what made Steve Jobs STEVE JOBS; it could be the psychedelic drugs, or the ashrams he lived in after he dropped out of college; it could be the calligraphy classes he took that opened his eyes to the clean lines of beauty that would feature in his Apple products; it could be the soaring heights and deep lows that he traversed throughout his short life that made him the person he was. We could discuss the hows and whys, but isn't it much better to learn from him and take his words to heart?

So, Mr. Jobs? Thank you. For everything.

Oh, and one more thing?

We'll miss you.

I'll Try To Give As Good As I Get

'Freedom of choice' sounds super fantastic when we're the ones getting that freedom, no?

But when it's someone else you're giving that freedom to, it can be a little galling. ESPECIALLY if you're convinced they're completely and utterly wrong.

I'm talking about that completely and utterly ridiculous Obedient Wives Club. When news of it first broke the surface, I (predictably) reacted with total rage and feminist war cries. Let me tell you, it's especially frustrating to be all ball-busting feminist against my own gender! Everybody had an opinion, that they're ridiculous, that they have a point, that men are bastards, that men are kings and should be treated as such. There were calls for the club to be shut down, etc etc etc.

I seethed as I read about people CONDONING the club, and would passionately join in the denouncement of these completely sex-oriented misguided women. And then one day I read a tweet that said, in essence, Mind Your Own Business. The guy doesn't condone the OWC but he said - and he has a point!- that the thing about freedom of choice is that people are FREE to choose what they want to join and what they want to say. We demand for greater freedom of speech, we demand for more freedom, BUT we refuse to give people one iota more than we deem is 'right'. Then what sets us apart from those we feel to be our oppressors? Nothing, that's what. Who am I to tell people that their beliefs are wrong? That's the thing about freedom, you see. It goes both ways. They're free to try to spread their ideology. We're free to try and spread our own in direct contradiction to theirs. But we're not free to ask them to shut down just because we don't like their ideas. Muslim men are free to marry up to four wives, and women are free to reject proposals from men with wives if they don't believe in polygamy. See, freedom. The OWC is free advocate first-class prostitute sex, and we're all free to decide whether or not sex alone can make a good marriage. The right to make our own choices is something we shouldn't hoard, don't you think?



P/S: I personally think that first-class prostitute sex (from both wife AND husband, mind) coupled with mutual love and respect can only do a marriage good.

Big Waves, Big Problems

I was, along with pretty much the entire world, horrified when videos of waves battering a nation came up on the internet. Before that, I was like "Oh... Tsunami again?". Not that I don't care, but somehow, after repeated occurrences of natural disasters all over the world, I have ceased to be "OMG OMG OMGGGGG HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??" and more ".... Again??"

Then I saw the videos of huge-ass waves rolling gleefully where no waves should be. It's frightening to see how easily man's best efforts can be crushed under the weight of nature. It's almost like the technology and advancements we're so proud of are like little sandcastles on the beach. One wave, and it's all gone. Again, we are forcefully reminded that we're temporary and despite our arrogance, we are pitifully dependent on the goodwill of Mother Nature. And sometimes Mother Nature can get nasty, you know?

Click here to see satellite images of before and after the tsunami in Japan.

 Damn horrendous right? All I could do was gasp in horror. It takes a while to process the fact that PEOPLE lived in those little houses in the pictures, worked in those little buildings, and laboured in the little green squares that WERE fields. And now homes and entire livelihoods are gone. It's not just a matter of a tsunami, it's about how this nation is going to rebuild itself in the aftermath. And just like how sometimes you need a helping hand to find your feet after a bad fall, Japan needs us right now. If you haven't donated, do it! There are many ways to do it, from dropping money into the donation box at temples, churches, etc, to donating via iTunes.

Google Crisis Response is a Google.org project for the tsunami, your donations will go to the Japan Red Cross Society.

You can also donate through iTunes! Not too sure how it works, cos I don't have iTunes, but apparently it's really easy. Check it out, iTunes people!

Do it for the homeless Japanese people who can't take a shower cos there's a water shortage. And shiver in the almost-freezing temperatures. And can't find their loved ones. Or at the veeery least, for the sake of the cool techy stuff that come from Japan.

Minor Abuse, Major Fucktardness

What were you doing at 11?

By 11, I mean age-wise, not time-wise.

At 11, I was in standard 5. I had just begun to grow out of my tomboyish ways and accept that it was not the wisest thing to do to climb trees while wearing a pinafore. I came home from school every day, and sat in a corner reading the latest offerings from the book rental shop. I would then get yelled at for reading when the latest offerings from my sadistic school teachers still lay unattended. I had dinner, I watched TV. I had a normal childhood.

Dhanalakshmi, from Tamil Nadu, was 11. At 11, she succumbed to injuries sustained from torture at the hands of her employer. Torture injuries include multiple burns and a fucking HAEMORRHAGE in one eye. She was in a frickin coma when her useless SOB employer (who is a lawyer, btw) took her to the hospital. What kind of sick animal beats the crap out of an 11-year-old girl? Come to think of it, what kind of person hires an 11-year-old to work? There are child labour laws in place, LAWYER.


All I can say is, there's a special place in hell for you. And I hope that you get haemorrhaged eyes everyday there.

Stop The Senseless Violence!

This is just too much, ok!

I happily signed into my MSN account and stopped short when I saw the headline "SS2 Bridal Houses Targeted In 'Serial' Arson". 

Waddafark??

When I think of SS2, I only think of two things - food and bridal shops. I'm not ashamed to tell you that I LOVE being driven past the row of shops veery slooowlyyy so I get to press my nose to the car window and ogle the dresses on display and drool! I used to date a guy who would make detours to drive me there at funny times in the morning just so we could cruise by at the speed of a snail while I pointed and squealed. <-- on hindsight, it wasn't a good idea because while I love wedding gowns, I was and still am a bit of a commitment-phobe whereas I'm pretty sure he was already mentally calculating the cost of our wedding, being of that age where all his peers were getting hitched. Ooops.

In light of my obsession with wedding gowns, and therefore my love of the shops housing those awesome dresses, is it any wonder that I am outraged by this senseless burning - BURNING!! - of said shops? Bridal shops are like... symbols of true love! You go there when you've found that one person you're ready to take the plunge with, the person you think you'll be able to live with for the rest of your life. You think "Ok! I love this guy! He doesn't like to go karaoke with me but he makes me giggle AND he gives awesome foot rubs!". So you buy a dress (or two. Or three. Ok, I'm getting carried away) to wear on the day you pledge your love to each other in front of everybody who matters to the both of you. You can't just buy a dress from, say, Topshop! Or.. or.. a cute boutique on Telawi Street! 

YOU BUY IT FROM A BRIDAL SHOP!

AND THOSE MOTHEREFFING MORONS ARE BURNING THEM DOOWWNN!!

Ahem.

Got a bit carried away there.

What I MEAN to say is: Please, Arsonists, stop burning down these symbols of love. Or else one day Karma will bite you in the ass and you will have to be married in some 70% discount ugly suit (or a yucky psychedelic print dress if you're - GASP - a GIRL). And your bridesmaids will look better than you. IN YOUR FACE.

It's Not Cradle-Robbing

if it's TRUE love!

Evidently, the secret to a successful marriage is matching COLOURS, not ages. My bad.

Hugh Hefner, long envied by men who dream of having their own big-boobied harems, is about to tie the knot for the third time to a girl only 2 years older than I am. And I'm pretty sure Hef was around when man invented the wheel.

Do you think he's saggy everywhere?

I Will Stop Saying "I Can't."

You know how sometimes we set up mental barriers for ourselves? Like "Oh, I will NEVER be able to do this!" or "Ala, he could only do it cos he has the contacts! I don't, so I will always be stuck at the bottom of the ladder."

Sound familiar? Heck, I do it a lot!

I go "I'm not smart/pretty/funny/creative enough!" or "No I can't cos I suck at it!" and sink into self-pity.

Which is a massive waste of time.

Especially when there are people like

Yi Lin, who lost a leg to bone cancer when she was in Standard Four. Not only that, you see that medal she's holding up? She won it. IN A SWIMMING COMPETITION. With no leg AND cancer in her lungs (it spread). After facing so many blows in life, she managed to pick herself up and move on, and not only that, to also achieve more than many 'lucky' people do in their lives. Most of us drift. We have all our limbs, and we use them to fully facilitate our wallowing in uselessness.

Where's my self-pity now? Buried somewhere under a load of shame. Where are your excuses?

Full article here!

p/s: I CAN DRIVE NOW! Not very far, because while my driving skills have improved, my sense of direction hasn't. So until I get a GPS, I don't dare venture very far, unless I have a navigator! But yes! I can driiveee *happy*

Some Men Should Just Have Dogs, Not Wives and Children

Man goes too far in punishing his wife and sons

READ THIS, AND TELL ME IF IT'S NOT DISGUSTING.

Making one's wife and children run around flats 40 times in the middle of the afternoon is criminal.

The wife said that she is willing to be punished.. apparently she stole something, and the children were quite delinquent. But still! THAT IS NO EXCUSE!

I'm sorry, I start to rage when I read about gross injustices to people.

Even if said people are too passive to do anything about it themselves. 

I mean, call me idealistic, but is it too much to want men to treat their OWN FAMILIES with love and respect?

I know I know, life is never that simple, human emotions are complex and confusing, some women (and even men) are slightly masochistic, they'd rather dance with the devil they know than the devil they don't.

But honestly, people, we all only live once.

When you're 85, do you want to look back on your lifetime and think

"Why?"

"Why did I stay?"

"Why didn't I do what I wanted to?"

"Why didn't I stay with that job?"

"Why did I take that job?"

"Why didn't I go on that holiday?"

the list can stretch on and on.. 

The bottom line is: why live a life you'd regret?

After all, being a martyr doesn't do anything for YOU.

Why be content to let yourself be mistreated?

I'm not saying go crazy and chop up people who piss you off, or do drugs, or rob a bank.

I'm saying grow balls and take a deep breath before taking the plunge. I, of all people, should know about being scared. I was the kid who was so scared of water that during my swimming classes, I'd hover at the back of the line and let everybody go ahead of me so they can take turns jumping into the water. I picked standing at the back, all goose-pimples and chattering teeth, over taking the plunge and splashing around with the other kids.

I was the kid who cried buckets when my parents were late picking me up from school because I was scared of being abandoned.

I was the teenager who turned a blind eye to the things my boyfriend did, because I was worried I'd end up alone.

So I know about being scared, and even about preferring to stay in a bad situation because the unknown world seems so much scarier.

And actually, the hardest thing about a new situation is deciding whether or not to enter that situation! Once you just jump in, you realise that it's not as bad as you thought it'd be.

So ladies, take that damn leap. Stop making me blog rage whenever I read the papers.

And asshole men (not all men are dumbfucks, some are super awesome), karma will bite you in the ass one day. Just saying!

*deafening silence about the photography competition*

oh, happy birthday post after this! Just give me a chance to think Zen thoughts and get some pics emailed to me!

Attention, Male Chauvinists

I would like to inform you that WOMEN ARE NOT FUCKING CHATTEL.

I read this article today, and growled like a fucking enraged water buffalo (but only in my mind so as not to alarm my dear gentle family). 

Oh. Warning: swearing occurs liberally throughout this post.

Teen ‘sells’ fiancee to settle gambling debt

'Sells' fiancee? 'SELLS'? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO SELL SOMEBODY? IS SHE YOUR POSSESSION? EH, HARLOW! EVEN IF YOU WERE MARRIED, SHE WOULD STILL NOT BE YOURS TO SELL! You may or may not be aware of this, BOY, but women are not slaves to be bought and sold at your whim and fancy! Would you like it if your fiancee sold YOU to fund her shopping trips? NO, RIGHT? SO WHAT THE FUCK GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO DO IT?

And what the holy heck is she thinking, getting engaged to a teenager? Can people be any more STUPID?

He's a teenager, which means:

1. he's most likely not very highly educated

2. therefore, most likely not working in some high-paying job

3. they will most likely have their first child within a year (teenage hormones, you see)

4. young, uneducated husband, and even younger, less-educated wife plus baby equals flirting with poverty

Wow. What a catch. Factor in the fact that he gambles so much that he was unable to pay his debt... 

Be still, my beating heart.

Of course, this is IF she marries him, which I sincerely hope she doesn't since he sold her virginity to his debtor. That being said, she was about to marry him even with points 1-4 in play. I do not think very highly of her intelligence, to be honest.

But this isn't about how stupid she is. HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO SAY 'Hey, I sold your virginity to cover my gambling debts. The man is coming tonight. So.. yeah. Be prepared, eh? Go watch some porn. Get a little high.'

No, the snivelling cowardly bastard CONNED her into it. And the cherry on this whole fucking cake is that it happened in his GRANDMOTHER'S house. And as the girl screamed for help, the grandmother was unable to do anything because the door was locked.

This PERSON ( I won't call him a man, because he has no fucking BALLS), destroyed his fiancee's life, AND traumatized his grandmother. And is a useless fucktard with shit for brains.

Am I being too harsh?

I DON'T THINK SO.

He should be castrated.

And spat on.

Before being sentenced to a lifetime of servitude, caring for women who are disabled/ill/elderly in a puny, almost futile attempt to make up for (I want to say 'the terrible wrong he has done' but it isn't strong enough) FUCKING UP a life.

Oh, and if you think I'm done with my tirade, HA. Fat chance. The link actually contains two articles. And the second one is about how a woman tried to commit suicide after constantly enduring beatings from her husband.

Again, HARLOW! WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BEAT YOUR WIFE? This is, unfortunately, not as shocking as the first article (unfortunate because it SHOULD be shocking), because this story is, sadly, an oft-repeated one. WHY does abuse continue? Because many women do not have the courage to walk away. It's very common, and I should know.

And as one who knows, let me tell you that NOT HAVING THE COURAGE TO WALK AWAY IS THE WORST THING YOU DO TO YOURSELF. Not only do you continue getting bashed for no reason (and no reason is enough to warrant getting hit by the man who is supposed to love and protect you), but you're actually enabling the abuser, allowing him to think that you'll be there no matter what he does, which is not good for YOU.

If he REALLY loves you, he wouldn't ever raise his hand to you.

Love and possessiveness are two separate things.

Conclusion of rant: A penis doesn't give anybody the right to subjugate a woman. If a man loves and RESPECTS  a woman, he would never abuse her. Physical or mental, abuse is abuse and shouldn't ever be tolerated.

RAWR.

They Say Laughter is the Best Medicine

I've been bed-ridden for the past couple of days, miserably blowing my nose while simultaneously hacking away like a 2-pack-a-day-for-the-last-6-decades ciggie junkie - when I wasn't knocked out in feverish unconsciousness.

I'm a bit better today, though! I think this recovery is due in part to the massive amount of bed rest I had, and also this rather funny article I read.

Wanted: Some caring

Okay, it wasn't meant to be funny.. But the whole "guys, girls aren't really materialistic - the 5Cs ACTUALLY mean caring persona, cosmic hotness, confidence, comedy and character!" is really a bit of a joke. Idealistic much? Who did they interview anyway? Teenagers? They claim that it was a pool of women aged 18-35 but I find that almost ludicrous, or maybe it consisted of WAY more 18-year-olds than 30-odd year-olds.

Guys, as a member of the fairer sex I feel that I should tell you that the 5Cs may actually be 8Cs, and girls will choose those 8Cs based on the two sets of 5s combined - the materialistic 5 (car, cash, credit card, etc) and the character 5 as stated above.

I'm sorry if I burst your bubble - but honestly, women who look for potential life partners tend to look for outward signs of the ability to provide for a future family. And those signs do NOT include sleeping on the street/getting an allowance from parents/driving a car that has rust stains or, God forbid, a HOLE in the roof.. the list goes on. Of course, character is important as well - nobody wants to date a wealthy guy who picks his nose in public and kicks puppies on the street, or one who lacks social skills and cannot be brought home to meet the parents. 

I'd like to announce right now that I'm no mercenary money-sucker, even though this post pretty much kills the starry-eyed delusion of 'love' that lots of people have. I do not own any LV things, nor Coach, nor whatever amazingly exorbitantly-priced goodies they have on the market. I love wandering around Pavillion, gazing lustfully at shiny things that scream YOU CAN'T AFFORD ME!, but I'd honestly much rather buy them on my own than get a sugar daddy to buy them for me because then where's the satisfaction in that?

My most humble apologies if I've crushed any young, fresh dreams with the weight of my cynicism. I do know of people who love each other, regardless of money et al, but sometimes I sit and wonder how long it'd last after college.

Once we hit a certain age, our priorities change. That's a fact. I used to think love would survive on, well, love. I realised it doesn't. There are many factors in Love, and Love left to fend for itself against the wolves of life can easily turn into Hate. Not good.

P/S: just realised that the general tone of this post is at odds with the title. 

What. The. EFF.

Do you know of Bung Mokhtar? Yes, dear old Bung, best-known for his sexist remark about menstruation.

Recently, he hit the news AGAIN, this time for marrying some Malaysian actress without the consent of the Syariah court.

Me being the sweet, non-grudge-holding person that I am, sat back with glee, waiting for the courts to find him guiltier than sin and put his fat arse in jail for a month.

Bung: Mana ada bocor? Batu Gajah pun bocor tiap tiap bulan! (What leak? Batu Gajah (referring to the stateswoman for Batu Gajah) leaks every month!)

Well, the Malaysian courts have let me down, and him off with a tiny slap on the wrist that was almost flirtatious in nature. 

"Teeheehee Bung, you're such a naughty boy."

A fine of RM1000? As opposed to a month in jail?

DUDES, HE'S A POLITICIAN. HE MARRIED AN ACTRESS. DO YOU HONESTLY THINK 1 FRICKIN' THOUSAND RINGGIT IS A BIG DEAL TO HIM? 

Here's something to give you some perspective about how little RM1000 actually is. 

A green tea frapp costs about RM15. It's less than 100 effing fraps.

Sometimes I worry about this country. It's almost like the decisions are made by some old uncles high on crack.

Jho Low - The Epitome of Malaysia Boleh

The name on everybody's lips now is LOW TAEK JHO, or the snappier version of the same name: Jho Low.

He's the guy who parties with Usher, canoodles with Paris Hilton and splashes the equivalent of a small country's GDP on champagne.

Some people say 'WOW I WANT TO BE HIM!' and some people say 'GILA, SPEND SO MUCH MONEY! THERE ARE SO MANY POOR PEOPLE SUFFERING IN THE WORLD'

I say: Leave the man alone. If he can make gazillions of dollars, he can jolly well spend a million or so here and there. He has (literally) earned that right! And if you can't do the same, don't be bitter. Just rob a bank or something.

Anyway, the poor man has been making the PR rounds, trying to clear his name of the excess and debauchery (I'm waiting for a 'One Night in Paris II') associated with it. Apparently his success is due, in part, to awesome connections and 'being in the right place at the right time', and he tries very hard to downplay the spending thing, claiming it's not his money, or that he and his friends split the (HUGE) bills. But this post isn't about how he made and spends his money.. for that, you can just go to The Star Online and read the myriad of articles devoted to him.

This post is just to say that there are so many other things in this life to have a really strong opinion about - sex education, nuclear weaponry in North Korea and child abuse being a few choice examples - and how one man makes and spends his millions is NOT one of them. Why do I read articles that say some people 'hate his guts'? If all you, like me, know about him is that he's from Penang and is uber rich, what do you know about his guts? And what is with the obsessive need to find out more about him and his life? He's just a rich guy. GEEZ.

Stop being so nosy, Malaysia.

Malaysia Boleh!

Hand Me The Bleach...

...I need to clean my brain. No, I haven't been doing/looking at/watching anything I shouldn't have. Ironically, my trauma comes from a desire to keep abreast of current news. Who said it's good to read the papers? FML.

Nek Wook wants a baby

Nek Wook, the 108 year-old cougar (she puts other cougars like Demi Moore to shame, woot! Malaysia Boleh!) and her recently-released-from-rehab-ex-druggie-toyboy (at 38, the word BOY is debatable; but compared to her, he's practically a beardless stripling) want to have a child.

As in, a real baby.

Oh, and here's the bit that made me want to pour Clorox into my brain by way of my eyeballs.

“We tried (to have a baby) earlier but my wife’s age factor was an obstacle." ~ disgusting fetish man, a.k.a Druggie Hubby. HOLY GOD, WTF! SHE'S ONE HUNDRED AND FUCKING EIGHT! DUDE! GO BACK TO REHAB, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT OKAY YET!

"We tried it the normal way, but my wife menopaused five decades ago, oops. We forgot. Hey, give us a baby!"

 So yeah, they now want to adopt a child, ala Brangelina (but just a teensy bit older). 

"Mohd Noor said that on their way back from Pasir Mas, Kelantan, yesterday, his wife pointed out to him a shop selling mittens and baby products.
“When I looked at her gesture, I realised that she badly wanted a baby,” he said, adding that they would prefer a toddler as he would be easier to take care of.
“I can’t expect my wife to be running around at her age when I have to work to fend for my family,” he said."

*cue hysterical laughter* The man must still be on drugs.

How are toddlers easier to take care of?

Uh. Good luck. Hey, maybe if you feed the kid drugs (share share a bit la, you're his dad!), he'd be REALLY easy to care for.

"I can have sex at 108 - I can handle ANYTHING!"

 "Mommy, you're so YOUNG!"

P/S: Play safe, heed the condom ad (Not you, Egg-less Grandma and Druggie Hubby.)

*babbles incoherently*

We can finally see Enrique Iglesias - ALL of Enrique Iglesias - and we don't even have to risk jail time!

Ladies, stop pinching yourselves. This is NOT a drill. I repeat, 

THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Read THIS

Enrique Iglesias Promises To Keep One Drunk, Seksi Bet!

 

and try not to squeal.

 

 Madre de Dios!

Holland wha-?

¡Viva España!

Lindsay Lohan Arrested and Edward Cullen Kidnapped!

Well, not really. The Edward Cullen bit, I mean. Here is a hilarious video of a Russian woman making off with a cutout of Edward Cullen in a cinema. Desperate much?

Hello, Olga. I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure that the cutout won't be able to murmur Edward Cullen-esque babble into your ear. He WILL, however, be able to creepily watch you sleep like how he does Bella. And maybe sparkle like a damned fairy, if you apply glitter glue to his cardboard face.

Ladies and gentlemen, this video is proof that the brain cell-murdering disease that is Twilight mania is now an international plague. We need to do the world a favour and put down all those infected. Symptoms include: Mindless gushing over Robert Pattinson and his greasy hair, thinking Kristen Stewart is a good actress, and wanting to be like a clingy, emotionally unbalanced freak (a.k.a Bella), and placid acceptance of what is CLEARLY a paedophilic relationship.

P/S: HE'S NOT EVEN HOT. Wtf. Kidnap Jacob la!

 Now THIS one is worth kidnapping!

Anyway, moving on. LINDSAY LOHAN has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and 90 days in in-patient rehab!

Talk about shocking! Not. She's been troubled for so long, flirting with the law on so many many occasions, it's hardly surprising that she's going into the slammer; it's still a bit disconcerting though, to realise that 

THIS

is now

THIS.

It's really sad, considering she has bucketloads of talent

On the plus side, talent never really goes away. And if she quits effing up her life, she would be able to make a comeback, easy.

Sigh.

Well, make sure not to drop the soap, Lindsay (and don't piss off any large lesbians).. We'll see you on the other side of 180 days.

Please make more awesome movies.

No Twilight crap.

Plastic Surgery: Yea or Nay?

The other day, I read Xiaxue's blog post on her plastic surgeries (yes, she did two eye jobs at the same time!) with mixed feelings:

On one hand, I applauded her balls in admitting she has had surgery done. I mean, it's so tedious and predictable when people get stuff done to themselves, and then deny it. If you're going to do it, then admit it! That's what Xiaxue did, so good on her.

On the other hand, I was cringing like mad to see the pictures of her reddened eyeballs. Like, seriously. I am a big baby when it comes to pain, so I cannot even fathom going to a doctor ON YOUR OWN INITIATIVE and having him POKE AT YOUR EYEBALLS. Holy crapballs, man! I even shudder at the thought of Lasik even though it's just lasers, that's how freaked I am about doing stuff to my eyes.

My idea of Lasik surgery.

And then, today I read this article

S’porean seeks sponsor to enlarge breasts

and wondered "WHY IS EVERYBODY DOING IT??"

This girl is so despo that she actually posted on her blog, seeking SPONSORS for her boob job. Okay, I don't think this girl is very smart, because

1. she's surprised that she has gotten unsavoury responses: for instance, one guy said that he'd sponsor, if she'd allow him to fondle them. Eh, woman, OBVIOUSLY he'd say that right? Or else what does he get? Being a Good Samaritan never got anyone laid, dummy. And
2. she wants to enlarge her size from a 29A to a 32C. Um. The boob job will change your cup size, but I highly doubt they will change your underbust (the number is your underbust, in inches). Unless you want to be 3 inches fatter in diameter, I dont think sticking some saline or silicone or whatever into your funbags are going to do anything to your underbust. Sorrylah.

Anyway, there seems to be a happy ending in sight for her, since a couple of clinics want to sponsor her and maybe tattoo their contact number onto her tummy while she's unconscious, so that when she's on that bikini show, it's like free advertising! and make her dreams come true. Btw, I've watched that Bored in Bikinis show. Dude, you don't really have to do your face as well to join. I've seen some ugleh ones. Just get bigger boobs, don't mess with your face.

Anyway, I have to say that I'm quite undecided on the whole plastic surgery thing.. I have no real objections to them (I look longingly at descriptions of nose job procedures); my only objection is the pain factor, which outweighs my immense vanity.

Conclusion: I have no 'Yea' or 'Nay'.. How about a 'Yay' instead? What do you think?

Biology and Moral DO NOT EQUAL Sex Education

So, today I was minding my own business, reading the papers, when I read THIS and almost choked on my chocolate milk

Teachers: Curiosity leads to teens toying with sex

Oookay. I thought teachers were supposed to be SMART! According to the secretary-general (not for much longer, I hope) of the National Union of the Teaching Profession, Lok Yim Phen, the "lack of sex education is not the cause of teenage pregnancies". Apparently, "sex education was already included in subjects like biology, science, moral and Islamic education".

Uh.

I don't know about right now, but in my day (which wasn't too long ago, okay!!), there was no sex education in moral. Moral consisted of us mindlessly memorising all the stupid moral values which, by the way, had to be written down word-for-word. NO DEVIATION AT ALL, WHETHER IN ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS OR IMBUHAN. So, that was our moral (and sex!) education. Right. Memorising the exact sentence structure for the value of 'trustworthiness' really taught us about sex. No, really. Halfway through the lesson, our teacher would tell us about how unprotected sex would lead to STDs and stuff.

Pfft. Bullshit.

Eh, let me enlighten you teachers on something. Telling a bunch of giggly 15-17 year old students about the science of copulation in Science and Biology classes is not 'sex education'.

"The sperm then meets with the egg in the Fallopian tube..."

"Oh liddat only issit? Okay, I go home and try on my girlfriend! Hmmm. How to start? Nevermind, I'll go watch some porn!"

Yes, teenagers get curious. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THERE SHOULD BE SEX EDUCATION! Why should they learn everything from pornography? It's completely unrealistic and it doesn't inform them about the risks that sexually active people constantly run! Scare the shit out of the buggers by telling them about STDS, unplanned pregnancies and their detrimental effects. Then sit back and see if that horny kid STILL tries to do funny stuff with his girlfriend.

I bet he'd be so scared, porn will look like a horror movie.

"WHERE IS HIS CONDOM??? DOESN'T HE KNOW ABOUT STDS?? DOESN'T SHE KNOW THAT MORE THAN 5 PARTNERS CAN LEAD TO A HIGHER RISK OF CERVICAL CANCER??"

Now, THAT's effective sex education! Listen and learn, Lok. Geez. Umur sudah tua tapi otak masih kurang matang.

And proof that I'm right: 

"Training and education director Nooreen Preusser said parents should start teaching their child about sex from the pre-school level, starting from the various body parts before moving on to age-appropriate information.

Nooreen, who is with P.S. The Children, said Finland, which conducts sex education at pre-school level, had the least number of unwanted pregnancies" 

Ha. In your face, ignorant teachers.

"You're 10! Here's a husband for you, Happy Birthday"

I was getting my (first!) pedi done at Nail Affairs in USJ16 , doing my best 'lady of leisure' impersonation by doing the whole 'luxuriating in the massage chair with a lady scrubbing my feet and legs with a peach-scented scrub while I flip through a magazine' thing, when I came across an article on child brides and realised anew that

TEN-YEAR-OLDS ARE GETTING MARRIED OFF TO MEN AT LEAST A DECADE THEIR SENIORS!

Shocking right? Luckily I didn't accidentally kick the lady in her face!

This is absolutely horrific. I mean, I always KNEW it happened, but it was always there at the back of things.. Kind of in like a 'oh yeah, there are druggies out there........ eh, what's for dinner? I'm starving!!' sort of way. But instead of druggies, child brides.

C

"Who is this uncle??"

Does that picture look wrong to you? I bet it's the guy with the beard and the kid who looks like she's still struggling with fractions in school.

It's an abomination that little girls who should be running around and getting into trouble and crushing on Justin Bieber (who should be worried about being a child bride if he were to live in the Middle East)

are being basically raped everyday by their husbands (and I've heard that Middle Easterners have BIG you-know-whats). The horror stories are too many to recount. Sometimes we again realise that for all the women who have advanced in society due to increasing gender equality, there are equal numbers of women who are still oppressed and tortured daily by their society. Equality hasn't even any space to breathe there, let alone flourish and grow.

Make Love, Not War

You know how sometimes certain things just jump out and catch your eye? This headline not only caught my eye, it almost yanked my eyeballs out of their sockets.

Porn star offers her body as compensation for war crimes 

How are your eyeballs doing? Okay? Back in your head yet?

Anri Suzuki, a Japanese porn star who also holds a doctorate in Sino-Japanese history (hah! who said porn stars are stupid?) wants to atone for her country's crimes against China - by having sex with Chinese students who are studying in Japan.

"Hello, Chinese guys who probably do not hold a grudge against Japan if you're here studying.. Come let me atone for my country's crimes against yours by bonking your brains out!"

I think the guys will be queuing around the block.. I mean, IT'S FOR THEIR COUNTRY'S HONOUR! A real Chinese man would do it, because it has always been a dream to bonk a porn star, as opposed to his cold fish girlfriend who doesn't give head it is a matter of national pride.

Make Love, Not War! War over already? Nevermind; just make love, then.