Friday, October 8, 2010

Starting A New Chapter

I guess the title says it all.
I'd rather not go into minute details, but LB and I are no longer.
He will always occupy a place in my heart, and who can blame me for having a soft spot for him?
He is, after all, the one who was always there for me, the one on whom I could always depend, the one who loved me wholeheartedly.
But at one point, I realised that the path of my life had reached a fork and I had to choose.
And try as I might, I couldn't choose him.

The time for tears and self-recriminations is over, though. I've gone through the sobbing and writhing in inner guilt thing.. but after meeting up with him earlier today for lunch, I can confidently say that the page has turned, and it's now the beginning of a new chapter. This is the last emo breakup-y post; I will now look forward and walk the path that I've chosen for myself.

I've learned something from this experience though.
It's very scary having to decide what path to take in life. Much easier to let 'fate' or 'God' decide for you, and then deal with the effects. I've had to grab the bull by the horns and let me tell you, I almost fell off and got trampled on! I wrestled with doubt, guilt and worry and I don't think LB had an easier time struggling with his own emotions.
Also, I realised that there aren't many (if there are, I wouldn't know because I couldn't find any!) emo songs for the person instigating a breakup. There are lots of 'Got Dumped' songs, but where are the 'I Had To Make That Super Mothereffingly Hard Decision' ones? Are we not allowed to emo? Geez.

This is my first no-emo-songs breakup. I've had the sudden tears, the wistfully-looking-at-old-pictures thing, and the wanting-to-text-other-party-but-can't bit. But no emo songs. Dear song library, you've let me down. Please jump off something tall in shame.


k0k s3n w4i said...

i instigated a break up several years ago which caused me to slip into 8 months of clinical depression - and there was no shortage of songs to emo to for me.

michelle branch's "goodbye to you" is arguably written from the perspective of a girl who ended her relationship. perhaps mandy moore's "all good things" will play to your mood more - it's a wistful song of reminiscence and happier times. it's probably too early for gwen stefani's "cool", which she wrote about her ex which she remained cordial to after they split.

and pretty much any song about the general theme of loss and loneliness was fair game for me.

May Lee said...

oh my god, i'm so glad you're better now! relationships really can change the course of a person's life, no doubt about it.

checked out your songs, and they're quite awesome.. thank you! will go on a hunt for more breakup-y songs.. or maybe i shouldn't since i'm supposed to be moving forward, not looking back and emo-ing!

Anonymous said...

You sound very calm about the whole thing. I find that depressing, but then again this is coming from someone who thinks he's about to be dumped reeeaaal soon.

Anyway, you might like Tegan and sara "call it off"

May Lee said...

yeah, i try not to spew emoness onto my blog, so i waited til my emotions had calmed somewhat before posting anything, hence the calm.

what makes you think so? maybe you should have a talk with your other half (i didn't, and it made things a little bit messy). all the best in your relationship, i hope everything works out for you!

will check out your song =) thanks for the rec!