My Heroine Doesn't Wear Her Undies On The Outside

This is my mummy.

My mummy is a cancer fighter.

She learned she had cancer 10 years ago, when I was about 12 and my brother 2. My dad was working in Australia, and this incredibly strong woman took care of two children, held down the fort, AND underwent radiation treatment for her nasopharngeal carcinoma (nose cancer, in layman terms).

At 12, I had no idea how hard my mother struggled to keep her suffering to herself. At 22, I have a small inkling, enough to know that my mother is a stronger person than I can ever hope to be. 'Backbone of steel' is somehow a weird image to use on my diminutive, fussy, cuddly, chatterbox of a mum, but under all the layers of 'Mum' there is a stainless steel rod of a spine that refuses to bow to anything as inconsequential as cancer.

She woke me up this morning with "Dr. Pang said the cancer markers show that it's back."

'It' being that effing cancer.

I went numb.

She cried on my shoulder and I had no tears to cry. 

And anyway, what's the point of being the shoulder people cry on when you yourself are looking for someone on whose shoulders you can weep?

I only cried later when I called LoverBoy up to cancel our lunch plans for today because I will be going with my mum to collect the test results. Have I mentioned LB is a good listener? And an awesome shoulder for doing teary emo things on. All he had to say was 'I love you', and I started bawling worse than my mum (again, stronger person than I can ever hope to be).

My mummy and her friends at last-last year's Cancer Walk for Life relay event at the Bukit Jalil Sports Stadium (or something or other). Orange tshirts signify cancer survivors, white is for supporters. 

The lantern I made!

Everybody made one with a message or a picture, and we arranged it all around the track. It was really pretty, not to mention meaningful as heck.

And the message still stands. 

Mummy, if cancer has come back to mess with us, we're gonna frickin' kick its butt! Together! You won't have to struggle alone like you did last time; all of us are around now, and I'm only a phone call and a KTM away. Nobody should have to fight alone, and you wouldn't ever have to again.

And if there's anything I learned in this past decade, it's that life is only as awesome as you make it.

Therefore, I'm going to go for my Form 6 barbeque tonight, and effing enjoy myself (was thinking of skipping to sit at home and be sad). Because who knows what tomorrow brings?

P/S: Cancer, my mum and I are gonna make you wish you never decided to spread mutated cells in people's bodies, you fucker.